Archive | December 2013

How Coca-Cola could double their revenue overnight

Instead of encouraging people to “share a coke”, get everyone to buy their own.

I’ll take a 1% commission on increased profits, thanks.

Billy Bassett, Albion chairman

Billy Bassett served West Bromwich Albion for many years as both player and chairman. He died in 1937, but according to one WordPress blogger, he has risen from the dead and resumed his chairmanship. Now if we can only resurrect Jeff Astle, Ronnie Allen, Jesse Pennington…

Nouvelle don’t give a s**t about grammar

Below is an email I received from Nouvelle, a manufacturer of toilet tissue, following an objection I raised about the wording of their environmental responsibilities on their packaging. In fairness to them, this exchange took place almost a year ago, so the error may have been fixed by now, but at the time I found little joy. I even followed up with a suggestion that they should change “lorries” to “lorreez”, so as to better dumb down connect wiv da yoof of 2day.

Good Morning

Thank you for taking the time to write to us, we do understand and accept your concern about our use of “less lorries” over “fewer lorries”.  We have found when marketing recycled products that overly formal or even merely correct language can seem stiff and formal and can cause some consumers to think it is not for them.  We therefore strive to use  a more colloquial turn of phrase in warmer, accessible language.  While aware that “fewer lorries” is correct, our designers felt that “less lorries” with the alliteration of the two “l”s created a more flowing sound and looked more visually balanced on their designs.

Kind Regards,

NouvelleSoft Bathroom Tissue

Take two

Yeah, I know, I know. It’s Christmas Day and I’m supposed to be unwrapping the turkey and carving the presents or whatever. I’ll return to all that shortly, but first I need to take a few moments to update you on some exciting news regarding the West Bromwich Albion Twelve Days of Christmas, which I first reported on yesterday.

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Stand aside Mets, it’s the WBA Twelve Days of Christmas

Morgan, just look into the camera and say the line. Do exactly as we say and your family will not be harmed.

This Christmas greeting from West Bromwich Albion takes up the baton from the New York Mets and indeed has many of the same ingredients, including bad singing, a scary mascot and an undercurrent of awkwardness.

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A (Very) Concise History of Racism in Wrestling, 1980-Present

A (Very) Concise History of Racism in Wrestling, 1980-Present

An interesting piece about racial stereotypes in professional wrestling, by “The Masked Man”.

New York Mets, you sleigh me

Although my belief system lies somewhere within that unholy trinity of atheism, agnosticism and apathy, I’m certainly not averse to seasonal celebration. The true spirit of Christmas is invoked in this raucous and not-at-all-awkward seasonal video message from the New York Mets. I particularly like the baseball-headed people.