Horses running and jumping

Today sees the staging of the 167th Grand National, a horse race held at Aintree, near Liverpool. By way of clarification, I should say that by “staging”, I mean “taking place” or “being organised”. I don’t wish to imply that horse racing is “staged” in the same way as, say, professional wrestling. No, there is definitely no impropriety whatsoever in horse racing. It’s all well above board. Which is good to know, given that it is a sport based completely around gambling.

But which horse to back? As someone who bets only once a year, I always go for the horse with the silliest name, but this year’s field is somewhat disappointing. Shakalakaboomboom may be the best of a bad bunch. So in the spirit of the #madeuphorses thread on Twitter, here is my own fictional steeplechase of imaginary equines:

  1. Lack of Pinterest 33-1
  2. Phantom Ennis 14-1
  3. Rooney Injured, Rooney Sad 16-1
  4. Lesleydunlopville 33-1
  5. Clough Family Jigsaw 8-1F
  6. Datawhorehouse 20-1
  7. Objets frickin’ d’art 50-1
  8. Crazy Crazy Paving 28-1
  9. Curtain Klayshaw 22-1
  10. Ankle Shenanigans 16-1
  11. Jermaine Pennant Race 30-1
  12. Ice Cream Helmet 18-1
  13. The Pungent Plumber 66-1
  14. Lithuanian Larry 14-1
  15. Church of the Poisoned Twix 22-1
  16. Bubka’s Chocolate Story 28-1
  17. Anti-Dragon Campaign 20-1
  18. Cumberbitch 33-1

Going is good to firm. But mostly firm.


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2 responses to “Horses running and jumping”

  1. aaa says :

    How about number 45 – Massive Bereavement 🙂

  2. 48panda says :

    Ah yes, Massive Bereavement, one of the best known of all made-up horses. God rest his fictional soul.

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